WARNING...its a long one...

Its official, this has, without any doubt, been a bad mom day. And I wasn't even with them for a chunk of the afternoon. What, might you say, would have made me such a bad mom today? Nothing in particular, but some days are better than others. So I just wanted to write a tribute to each of my kids, even though they don't read this, but someday, when I'm six feet under, maybe they'll come across this and see that I really did love them, and appreciate all the many little lessons that they teach me. And how much I enjoy learning how to be an eternal family with them. Wich some days, like today, can proove more challenging than not. But life is a process. You may not be interested in reading this, because these are just some of my personal feelings and thoughts.

Tanner
My dear Tanner. I know being the oldest is hard sometimes...trust me, I know. I remember a letter that grandpa Stauffer wrote me when I was having a hard time with all the responsibilities I felt were placed on me. Being the oldest is not an easy job. You will hear more often than not, that your younger sister and brothers are watching and following your example. They truely are, but I know that you are a good kid and understand what a huge responsibility that is. Your mom and dad expect a lot from you, and sometimes that will seem overbearing. Be patient with us, as you are our firstborn and we are learning through this process of parenting. You are so full of love. Not only for your family but for everyone around you. Just this week you told me how dad had given you an extra quarter to buy chocolate milk with at school, but instead, chose to have normal milk, because one of your classmates didn't have money for a drink. Even though it takes a few times of asking you to do something sometimes, you never complain to do what is asked of you. I love that you are best friends with your sister Tyler. Just this morning, as we dropped you off at your play practice, she said that sometimes when you are gone, she feels alone. Even when mom and dad are with her. I know the two of you were best friends before you came to this earth. Remember how much fun you have playing together, and strengthen your relationship. Tanner, I love you and am so glad that you came to me on the late Saturday night. Both dad and I were so excited to finally meet this little guy. Every night, while I was pregnant with you, dad would sing to you and read you Dr. Seusse books. After you were born, we continued this practice as we were preparing you for bed. This is something that has carried on with you even to this day. I love that you are always so happy, that you can be heard humming a little tune, not so quietly, but you always have a tune. And your love of reading has continued to grow. You are so smart and do so well in school. Keep working hard and all of that will pay off for you as you go through your education. I love you Tanner. Thanks for being patient with me as I practice my parenting skills and try to improve on them.

Tyler
Tyler, Tyler, Tyler...what can I say. I love you so much. I know we have our female clashes, but through each of those, we are becoming better friends and that is something that I hope will just strengthen as you get older. You have such a strong personality. You know what you want, and are not afraid to let us know what you want, and you are very good to stand your ground. I love that you are such a daddy's girl. There is no doubt that you are his little princess. You are so lucky to have an older brother that loves you and even though you guys fight at times, I love that you are best friends. You are a very social girl and have lots of friends. You were so anxious to come to this earth, that you surprised dad and me by being born only three minutes after getting to the hospital. You didn't want to wait for us to get settled, and that's great. Like I said, you know what you want and you'll do what you have to. I hope that you will learn how to tame that, and use it for good. You are such a good little mom to Jake and Jefferson, and even though you are not the oldest, Jake looks up to you and idolizes you. When you first started kindergarten, he had a really hard time and always asked when you were going to be home. I love that you'll play for hours in your own little world. Whether its with you dolls or your own imagination and the friends you see, that no one else does. I wish that you would perform while we were video taping you instead of claming up in front of the camera, because you're so cute when you pretend to be the Little Mermaid, sitting on the couch flapping your fin, (legs and feet). Everything about you is girl. Your favorite color is pink, and most of the time, you will be seen wearing a pink shirt and or pink skirt. You always have a rhythm to dance to. Whether its in the parking lot at a store with no music, or in the mall shopping around, listening to the music over the speaker system. I want you to know that I love you and hope that we can be best friends when you get older and get to the age when you don't want anything to do with your parents. But I hope that we can be the exception to that rule.

Jacob
What a little tease you are. Everything about you spells mischief. You have a very contagious smile. While at the same time, looking as though you're hiding something. I love this stage of life that you are in. Most people might say having a two-year-old is trying and difficult, I'm enjoying this stage so much. I love that you love baby so much. And I think its so cute that you have given Jefferson this name of baby, because Jefferson is to difficult for you to say. I love that you are so excited about everything. You are such a little boy. From immitating Hulk Smash by hitting your fists to the ground, to finding little bugs fascinating, and finding pure delight in torturing Tanner and Tyler. You are so little, its so crazy to me to think that you are indeed old enough to be going on the big boy potty and doing the things that you do. You are very independant, but at the same time, need your mom and dad around. I love that you look up to your brother and sister so much, and in your mind, see yourself just as big as they are. While I haven't had you around for as long as Tanner and Tyler, I still feel a special connection to you. Maybe its because you gave us a scare when you were first born, being so little. You don't realise how much of a difference a pound makes, until you're holding a five pound baby compared to a six pound baby. I love that you are still little so that I can cuddle with you. I love that you will let me still cuddle with you. I just want you to know that I love you and your tough guy personality for such a little guy.

Jefferson
My baby Budha! I'm not quite sure where all of your little rolls came from, but I love every single one of them and want to just eat you up. Even though you are only four months old, I still feel like you've been with me forever. I love your little smiles and the fact that any little thing will make you smile. I love that just stroking my finger across one of your chins will make you laugh. And that you find such great delight in the simple little things like riding on my legs like a horse or flying above my head as super baby. You like when we talk to you and I love the high little squils you make in the morning letting me know you are awake and ready for your daily dose of entertainment. I couldn't have asked for an easier baby to come as number 4. Even though I have felt an impact adding another child, its certainly not because you are hard. Its just an increase in numbers I'm trying to get used. But like a champ, you tag along for the ride and take what you can get. I love the fact that you suck your thumb. You are the only one that has taken on that little habit. While I would like it if you'd take a binki, I think that sucking your thumb is just as cute. I just wish you'd use it to soothe yourself instead of feeling like you need to be hooked onto me for that. I love you and even though you should be sleeping through the night, I love waking up with you and night and the extra time I get to just sit with you while no one else is demanding my time. I'll even stay up a little longer just holding your sleeping little body smelling your baby smells that I love so much. Thank you for being such a fun, cute and good little guy. I love you!

Every day I pray for the patience I need to be a better mom, and each day I'm working a little harder to put the patience into practice. I do love my kids and I hope they know that.